.

A Pixelated Mind

I think it was a wrong number

by Pixel
Posted On Tuesday, 21 August, 2007

Overheard phone conversation:

1: Hello.

1: Hello.

1: This is he.

1: Hello.

1: I think the best bet would be to take care of this tomorrow when everyone’s available.

1: Oh.

1: I’m free at 5.

1: I’ll see you then.

1: Bye.

Probable Real Phone Conversation

1: Hello.
2: … Hello?
1: Hello.
2: James?
1: This is he.
2: Hey, this is Douglas, from work. How are you?
1: Hello.
2: Listen, there’s a real problem at the branch office. It seems we told everyone the meeting was going to be at 5, whereas it is actually going to be at 5:15. What do you want to do?
1: I think the best bet would be to take care of this tomorrow when everyone’s available.
2: That’s what I’m trying to tell you, It’s today.
1: Oh.
2: Can you meet me today?
1: I’m free at 5.
2: Sounds good, how’s the Waldorf Hotel?
1: I’ll see you then.
2: See you.
1: Bye.

Pixel’s Imagination on Overdrive:

1: Hello.
2: … Hello?
1: Hello.
2: James?
1: This is he.
2: Hey, this is Douglas, from work. How are you?
1: Hello.
2: Listen, there’s a real problem at the branch office. It seems everyone is dead. What do you want to do?
1: I think the best bet would be to take care of this tomorrow when everyone’s available.
2: That’s what I’m trying to tell you, they’re all dead. Me and you are the only ones alive.
1: Oh.
2: Can you meet me today?
1: I’m free at 5.
2: Tough shit, we’re meeting at 4, bitch.
1: I’ll see you then.
2: Cool.
1: Bye.

In a Horror Movie

1: Hello.
2: Is anybody there— my phone is cutting off! Can you hear me??
1: Hello.
2: I need a man named Mr. James of a very ancient order aimed at eliminating evil, I got your name from a man named Morris who died shortly after telling me! Please, HELP, this is important!
1: This is he.
2: Oh, thank God. Listen, I don’t have much time, I’m in trouble and— … Are you still there? Hello?
1: Hello.
2: There’s a serial killing rapist who has taken possession of all of my loved ones and visits me in my sleep, but can’t die by any means known to man and is currently resurrecting the evil dead to destroy all sentient life in the Universe! And if we don’t stop him soon, all hope is lost! I tried calling all of the other members of the order Morris told me about, but they are all in Transylvania for a meet n’ greet and can’t get to this country until the morning!
1: I think the best bet would be to take care of this tomorrow when everyone’s available.
2: But that might be too late! Also, I’ve heard that the serial killing rapist has been replacing them all with pod people one by one.
1: Oh.
2: I need to see you in the next four hours or all hope is lost. Can you meet me at the Gap Kids at the mall today?
1: I’m free at 5.
2: Please hurry, there’s not much time!
1: I’ll see you then.
2: Bye— AAAHHHHH!!!! *Scream is cut short by a chainsaw and the sound of a splatter on the mouthpiece*
1: Bye.

Spy Thriller

1: Hello.
2: The crow flies at midnight, hello or goodbye?
1: Hello.
2: I am not looking for James X, but his brother, Mr. Y.
1: This is he.
2: Hey buddy, this is Douglas, I’m just messing with you. How are you?
1: Hello.
2: Jason Bourne is still on the loose, we need to get a tactical team together too find him!
1: I think the best bet would be to take care of this tomorrow when everyone’s available.
2: He’s destroyed all of the world’s satellites and plans world domination with a plan reminiscent from the plot of “Die Another Day.”
1: Oh.
2: We must meet immediately, the code is ‘I’ll see you then.’
1: I’m free at 5.
2: This phone is tapped, if you are under duress, sing the theme to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire
1: I’ll see you then.
2: Oh, my bad, I didn’t catch that insanely simple 256-bit code that you created using the previous two messages that would have not only told me where Jason Bourne is hiding, but also how much change he has in his pocket, how he likes his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and what he’s really looking for in a woman.
1: Bye.
2: Oh, I mean man. I didn’t realize Bourne was gay.

Gross-out Comedy

1: Hello.
2: OH MY GOD, HELP ME! I JUST GOT CAUGHT STICKING MY PENIS INTO MY MOM’S APPLE PIE!!
1: Hello.
2: … James?
1: This is he.
2: Phew… That’s not the worst part: SHE WAS EATING IT AT THE TIME!!
1: Hello.
2: Then I locked myself in my room to die from embarrassment, WHEN MY PARENTS WALKED IN ON ME LOOKING AT PORN!
1: I think the best bet would be to take care of this tomorrow when everyone’s available.
2: and then— while furiously masturbating— I accidentally GLUED MYSELF TO… MYSELF.
1: Oh.
2: Then I accidentally BROADCAST it to the ENTIRE SCHOOL and, here’s the kicker– I WAS TRYING TO DO AUTOEROTIC ASPHYXIATION!!
1: I’m free at 5.
2: HURRY, I don’t know how long I can avoid making an ass of myself: MY MOM’S MAKING PUDDING!
1: I’ll see you then.
2: Please hurry, this is almost as bad as last Tuesday and the Lacrosse team only just got out of the hospital.
1: Bye.

Romantic Comedy

1: Hello.
2: Hello? You don’t know me, but I’ve been secretly following you and video taping you for weeks, but because I’m relatively cute, it’s not creepy. My name is Felicia.
1: Hello.
2: Is this James?
1: This is he.
2: Listen, I just went through nearly two hours of torment involving misunderstandings, mixed signals, crossed messages, unhappiness and then, just now, a revelation which leads me to calling you in a very climactic moment for myself, but that you probably have no idea about.
1: Hello.
2: I’ve been in love with you since the second grade. I used to pass you notes anonymously and sniff your hair whenever I could get behind you. This, again, would seem creepy seeing as I was your school bus driver at the time, but as I’m relatively cute, I can get away with it. Can you meet me right now? I’m outside your house and everyone but the cast from Friends is here.
1: I think the best bet would be to take care of this tomorrow when everyone’s available.
2: I’m sorry, I was kidding, I’m actually in your bathroom, rubbing your shampoo on my relatively cute groin area.
1: Oh.
2: Can we at least do coffee?
1: I’m free at 5.
2: I want to marry you some day, but I’ll see you then.
1: I’ll see you then.
2: *sigh* Now go about your business as usual, I’ll just listen to your breathing.
1: Bye.

Soap Opera

1: Hello.
2: … Hello?
1: Hello.
2: James?
1: This is he.
2: This is Laura, from season 2, only now I’m played by a different actress.
1: Hello.
2: That’s right, I’m alive. You thought you’d killed me after you shot me in the heart, severed my head, sent my body through the woodchipper and then tossed all of my atoms through a black hole, but I survived! And now, if you don’t get everyone together tonight to give me all of your combined wealth and men, I will destroy your reputation, give you cancer and send you to prison.
1: I think the best bet would be to take care of this tomorrow when everyone’s available.
2: You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Little do you know, I was expecting that answer and so I’ve kidnapped your children and dog so as to hold all the cards (I’m not going to get foiled like that again)!
1: Oh.
2: You must see me today if you want any hope of seeing the people you care about alive again.
1: I’m free at 5.
2: Meet me at the Waldorf Hotel 14th floor bathroom, eighth stall on the left after a right on the statue of the Horseman… where we had our first date.
1: I’ll see you then.
2: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
1: Bye.

Overheard phone conversation: 1: Hello. 1: Hello. 1: This is he. 1: Hello. 1: I think the best bet would be to take care of this tomorrow when everyone’s available. 1: Oh. 1: I’m free at 5. 1: I’ll see you then. 1: Bye. Probable Real Phone Conversation 1: Hello. 2: … Hello? 1: Hello.…

Comments

Radioactive Jam says:

Wednesday, 22 August, 2007 at 9:05

I can’t decide between Spy Thriller and Romantic Comedy. The “bus driver” part really struck a chord for some reason. Which is strange since I have no memories of riding a school bus.

I guess… both.