Is it bad to give up on someone?

23. About two days after the Columbine Massacre, I came to school wearing a trench coat. My psychology teacher got a kick out of it and took me to the principal’s office to ‘turn me in.’ Everyone laughed. Then, a class period later, security guards burst into my Spanish class and took me away. Apparently, a few of the students in the psychology class were disturbed by the event and really turned me in.

My uncle is an alcoholic, chain-smoking, recovered drug addict.  He has had problems with his wife since they married and openly talks about how he uses alcohol as an escape.  He also talks openly of how afraid he is that his son is going to follow in his footsteps.

His son, my cousin, is 17 and has been smoking marijuana for years.  He’s been caught shoplifting, has failing grades, is a chronic liar, and has recently started calling his mother a ‘bitch’ and his father an ‘asshole.’

My uncle asked me to talk to his son yesterday.  He said that he knew I’d been down those roads before ((I haven’t.  I mean, I’ve shoplifted and lied, but most of that was in the context of not having money and wanting to withhold the truth.)) and he’d really appreciate it if I could just talk to my cousin.  He wanted me to let him know how important life is and how easy it is to throw it away by making stupid mistakes in your youth.

So I called my cousin and invited him with me to go run some errands with me.  On the way, we talked about his family, his drug addiction, and his future.  Here are a few quotes.  I juxtapose the contradictory ones on purpose:

“I wouldn’t be in this place if I hadn’t gotten screwed out of going to [the good high school.]”

“Everything is everybody’s own fault.  If you fuck up, it’s your fault.  I don’t know why people always blame other people for their own mistakes.”

“My parents don’t realize that I am who I am today because of them.  It’s their fault.  If they hadn’t forbidden my staying out late and smoking, I wouldn’t be doing it now.”

“I don’t know why my parents can’t just accept me for who I am.  I’m a stoner.  I accept them for who they are.  I know I’m fucking up my life, but that’s my life.  What do they care?”

“My dad is fucking up his life.  I’m seriously worried that he’s going to die in the next few years if he doesn’t start taking care of himself.”

“I know that my family has all kinds of problems and they’re all my fault, and I feel bad about it, but I don’t know what to do. ”

“My family has so many problems that I just want to stay away.  I’m the life of that house.  If it wasn’t for me, they’d all be depressed.”

It surprised me just how self-aware my uncle and my cousin thought they were (very).  It also surprised me how completely non-self-aware they really were (very very).  It also occurred to me that they were the same person.  Then it made me sad because I realized how useless it would be to try to change either one of them.  The best I could hope for is a minimally painful series of realizations followed by a major lifestyle change.   The worst would be a cycle of destruction that takes down everybody in its path.  And, from talking to my cousin, I can’t help but feel that it’s going to be closer to the latter than the former.

23. About two days after the Columbine Massacre, I came to school wearing a trench coat. My psychology teacher got a kick out of it and took me to the principal’s office to ‘turn me in.’ Everyone laughed. Then, a class period later, security guards burst into my Spanish class and took me away. Apparently,…