Pixelopolis

5. I have one brother.  I call him Paco because that’s his name.  At least that’s what it should be.  It sounds cool.  I also, say the DNA tests, have two half-sisters.  Since I always round down, I’m going to live the rest of my life as if I only had one sibling.

Before he was arrested, my friend Gordon lived on 221st street.  As I drove around Tacoma, I found that they not only numbered their streets, they lettered them.  When I crossed B and 4th, I shouted, “you sunk my battleship.”  Which would have been funnier if I hadn’t been alone in my car at the time.  As it was, it was just sad.  It also reminded me of why nobody plays board games or rides in cars with me anymore. . .  and you can forget about them playing board games IN cars with me. ((I challenge you to Mustang Jenga!))

While numbered and lettered streets might be easy to navigate, they are also woefully uncreative.  I can imagine dozens more creative names that still would make a city easy to navigate.  In my ideal city, Pixelopolis, ((Is it megalomania at this point, or can I still pretend I’m just conceited?)) all street names would be informational.  As teens begin to drive and learn the major roads, they begin to learn important historical, cultural, and political names and terms.  Streets in entire sections of Pixelopolis would have related names, which shape the dynamics and identity of the town.  Some examples of these street names would be:

• Countries of the world in alphabetical order.
• Capitals of the world in alphabetical order.
• States or provinces of the country.
• Capitals of states or provinces of the country.
• Presidents of the United States (And no, I have no idea where Benjamin Harrison Way would be, but I’m sure people on Grover Cleveland St. won’t like it.)
• Members of Congress
• Supreme Court Justices
• Nobel Prize Laureates by year of award (In fact, you could subdivide a city into five townships, with the ‘economics’ as an upcoming suburb.)
• Academy Award winners by year of award
• Pulitzer prize winners by year
• Elements of the Periodic Table
• Famous literary characters (This could be divided by century, country, OR genre)
• Famous historical despots
• Famous guys named ‘Bob.’

Just once I want to hear somebody say, “hey,  meet me at Albert Einstein and Millard Filmore” or “I live on Lesotho, which is really just the 300 block of South Africa.”

5. I have one brother.  I call him Paco because that’s his name.  At least that’s what it should be.  It sounds cool.  I also, say the DNA tests, have two half-sisters.  Since I always round down, I’m going to live the rest of my life as if I only had one sibling. Before he…